Hello!

If you’re back to read journal #2, thank you for the support! If you’re new, welcome!

I wanted to write this journal entry going off of my second podcast episode that I posted on Friday in the very early AM. For most that don’t know, I do have a podcast only on Spotify at the moment, but it is called Rooted and Resilient Podcast. The first episode, my boyfriend Ken and I recorded back in December of 2024. Almost a year ago! Wild I know. But I recorded and published the second episode a couple days ago. It’s just me talking about changes in life. More specifically my life over the course of 2ish years.

I want to elaborate more on how I have changed as a person, even in just my journaling life. So we will start with a little background in where I started journaling.

I would say just over two years ago, I started to go back to mental health therapy. I was going through a really hard time in the summer of 2023 for one reason or another and had one of my biggest mental breakdowns. After a while of going back to therapy regularly, I started to journal again. I called them thoughts with a number after the word thoughts. So basically just labeled diary entries. I would mainly journal when the thoughts in my head got too loud and basically vented about my problems to myself. It really helped to get my thoughts on paper, or on digital paper. I would only type out my thoughts solely because I can type faster than I can write.

Over the last two years I have been journaling a lot. Up to the point where last Tuesday was my 60th journal entry. If you think about it, that is basically a journal entry every other week over the course of two years (I think that’s right but don’t quote me on that haha). But when I was journaling for the 60th time in what I like to call the Thoughts “series”, something felt different. It felt like I was having coffee with an old friend. Which is kind of ironic because I also usually would go to a Starbucks and journal there before work while sipping on coffee.

But it felt so different because the person that I am now compared to the person I was two years ago when I started the Thoughts “series”, are not the same person mentally. Physically yes, but mentally no. Hang on to this idea because I’m going to slightly shift focus but I’ll swing back into this thought in a moment.

Back in May/June of this year, 2025, I started a new “series” called Journaling with Christ, or a.k.a. JWC. Back then I wanted to start what I’m doing right now. A blog that was journaling my thoughts but with intention. Intention to involve Christ, talk about Him, talk about my journey with Him, etc. But for some reason, I didn’t release it back then. Throughout the summer, I carried on my usual ways. Continuing the thoughts “series” and going to church here and there. Only going really few and far between weeks of services. The power that I felt of Christ moving within me from Easter service kind of fizzled out. In June, I started to not take any of my psych medications. ***Disclaimer, please take your medications as directed and DO NOT STOP taking your prescribed medications until you talk with your doctor first!*** So from June until about the middle of August, I was completely unmedicated. Which is WILD because I was on some high dosages of two different psych medications.

In the middle to the end of August, Ken and I were having a lot of spiritual warfare happening to the both of us. Spiritual warfare that was happening to us while we were together and stuff that was happening while we were both alone. To the point where it literally scared us so much that we started to go back to church. I was at the point of reaching out to a priest because I didn’t know what else to do. After one major spiritual warfare event, Ken and I went back to church that following Sunday.

Looking back, I’m glad I got that scared to start going back to church. Sometimes, you have to go through certain things to go willingly back to Jesus. Those things can be pretty scary and rough too but it is necessary. Or at least what I went through was the final hey, you better stop doing what you’re doing and start walking down the path of righteousness with the Lord or more things will happen.

So after going back to church every week since the end of August, I really have fully dived into living my life for Christ. I basically did a 180 compared to the spiritual life I was living before. I heard His call for me back in October of 2024 and I listened, but only for a few months. Then I heard His call for me again on Easter of this year. Again I listened, but only for a few months. He never abandoned me. He never stopped chasing after me like the 1 sheep that was lost from the other 99. I was the sheep that kept veering away on my own. On MY terms, not God’s terms. So what did God do? I believe he really allowed the enemy to scare me enough to show me the path I was going down. To show me how much I really needed Him, Jesus. And boy did I straighten up and really listened to God.

Since the end of August I’ve been attending Sunday service every week, I joined a community group within my church, I joined a six week book study on the book “Gospel Fluency” by Jeff Vanderstelt (highly recommend so far!) and lastly, I am choosing to be baptized on November 2nd! Quick side note, I know there are major debates on what baptism means to different branches of Christianity. But I feel in my heart that baptism is more of a proclamation of one’s faith which is also known as believers baptism, which is what I’m doing. People can have this debate about what baptism is and what it represents or does until their blue in the face, but in the end I am choosing to live my life boldly for Christ!

Now, I said I would swing back to the thought or idea of comparing myself to the person I used to be two years ago. Well, if you told me two years ago that I would be a Jesus lover, fully involved in a church, about to be baptized, listening to Christian music more than alternative depressive metal music, I would’ve thought you were crazy and mistaken that person to be someone else.

Additionally, back then I was basically a ticking time bomb in regards to my mental state. I was very irrational in my thoughts and actions, I would get very depressed more often than not, get angry, have a lot of minor crises, and just be really unstable overall. Looking back, I really feel bad that my boyfriend Ken had to really deal with all of that. I honestly don’t know why he stayed with me during it but I am very very very thankful that he helped me through my lowest of lows. But now, I again did a 180 of where I was. I am back on a low dosage of 1 medication (talked to my psychiatrist and we adjusted things together), I am extremely more level headed than I have ever been before, my mood is more stable, and I am just handling a lot of poopy situations with more grace.

All within 2 months my heart changed and my whole life changed. All because I stopped running away. I ran back to Jesus. I finally understand that I can’t do it myself. I need him. Once I finally let go of the “I only need me, myself and I” mentality and welcomed Jesus into my heart, I have become a different person. A completely different person that is full of love, humility and grace. Because I decided to make Jesus my #1 priority in life. Granted, I still stumble and face challenges. But that’s what being human is. It is full of highs and lows. There will be challenges, some harder than others. But they are not impossible if you have Jesus in your heart.

So yes, last Tuesday when I decided to do a thoughts entry it did feel like I was talking to an old friend. A friend that I don’t really associate with anymore but know a lot about because we went through a lot together in the past. I won’t ever forget that friend but they’re not going to be a huge part in my life anymore because they don’t serve me anymore.

Once you welcome Christ into your heart, you will find that things change. Changes in your heart, mind, attitude and even changes in the outside world. Your viewpoints start changing, your priorities start changing and even relationships change. Some people may start to drift apart from you while others draw closer. But one thing is certain, Christ NEVER changes. He is ALWAYS with us and He LOVES us!

Wow, that was a long journal entry but I feel like this is a great point to end on. I’m going to close with a prayer:

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for helping me write a journal entry to share with this reader about the wonderful changes you have done in my life. I pray that this journal entry may help them see how good You are and how good life is when we give it all to You. Trials come and trials go but You remain! Lord, if this reader doesn’t know who you are, I pray that they may open their heart to you and hear and see the good news for themselves. If this reader already has a personal relationship with you, I pray that they hear Your voice clearly and draw closer to you each and every day. Jesus, I pray that you continue to guide me while I continue these journal entries and pray that Your words are heard to those that are reading this. Jesus, please bless this reader and remind them that You are the only one that can truly save all of us. I pray this all in Your name Jesus. Amen.

Thank you once again for reading this longer journal entry. If you’ve made it to the end, I encourage you to subscribe to my blog using the subscription box below. All you have to do is enter your email address and hit subscribe. All it does is notifies you through email that I posted another journal entry. No gimmicks or spam messages. Just a simple email.

Stay safe and God Bless,

Rachel B.